Link It Up

Posted by Brooke at 12:56 PM

Thursday, February 26, 2009

A few good places for you to visit:

* www.texashitchinpost.com - Find out where you can take a relationship workshop in Texas and become a member of the Texas Hitchin Post where you can find exclusive vendor deals for your wedding and date nights!

* www.tinstarsweetheart.blogspot.com - A single girl's perspective on love and dating in the big city.

* wordpress.hitchinpostgal.com -
A newlywed's perspective on engagements, weddings, budgets, relationships, and families.

* wordpress.patlove.com - Our relationship expert Dr. Pat Love give's a professional's advice on how to succeed in all of life's relationships.

* www.pcmavens.blogspot.com - A lighthearted look at today's society and answers the question, "What's hot?"

Are We Connected?

Posted by Brooke at 10:30 AM

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

This past weekend I was on a trip with my husband. This trip was nothing but long walks, eating out and lots of time to stare in one another’s eyes and rekindle the love. But what I ended up doing was much different that I had planned. I spent the entire time trying to get my hubby to talk to me. Now don’t get worried, he was not ignoring me or anything, he just wasn’t being talkative. In my mind, this trip was going to give us a to chance reconnect, to catch up on all of the missed moments since life has gotten so busy. Instead it was like pulling teeth to get anything out of him. He would answer simple questions with simple answers, but nothing more. As the weekend crept on, I felt myself becoming more and more upset.

So like a good student of marriage education, I went back to what I have learned in past marriage classes. Dr. Pat Love (of our Dr. Love Blog) has taught me that women talk to connect, and that men have to feel connected to talk. So, I asked my dear sweet spouse what it was going to take to help him feel more connected. To my surprise, he said he didn’t know that we weren’t. That was a shocker. Here I was, all weekend, thinking that we were so far apart and he said that he thought we “are doing great.” Ahhh, does the madness never end when it comes to men and women’s differences?

So the question is, what is the definition of connectedness between a man and a woman? And who defines it.

Any takers on this one?

- The Working Wife

Guys Feel Too

Posted by Brooke at 11:46 AM

Monday, February 23, 2009

Ladies, have you ever paid attention to the kinds of things you say to your husband about his appearance? I started noticing the "innocent comments" my wife would make about hair, clothes, eyes, nose, weight, etc. (Wow, according to that list I sound like an ogre.) If husbands made even half the comments that wives feel free to share, we'd find ourselves laid out on the floor. Ladies, next time you have the urge to "share" something, stop and consider if you would like to hear the same thing from him.

- The Guy

Yes, Marriage Can Be Awesome!

Posted by Brooke at 8:33 AM

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Marriage is Awesome! You never hear that do you? But I bet if you thought about it, or just listened for a couple of hours to what the people around you are saying you, would hear lots of negative things about marriage. I was recently asked to commit to 22 days of not saying anything negative about my marriage. I thought it would be easy but boy was I wrong. It was almost natural to have negative things to say about my spouse and what I noticed most was that no one ever called me on the carpet. It's as if it's normal to say bad things about our relationships. Maybe it's because we feel that we need to find others that are equally miserable so that we can find ways to get through our own situation. Or maybe we listen without rebuke because we truly want to help our friend who is "crying out." But how many times have we heard the same person complaining about the same problem and we do nothing? What would happen if we had someone in our life who just told us what we needed to hear: that marriage can be good and it is up to both partners to make it better, but that it's up to each individual to get started. A change in attitude is an amazing thing.

So next time you want to lay it on thick, think of what you do like about your spouse. Think about something that made you fall in love with them. Think about ways that you can use your words to uplift your spouse instead of complain about them. And then try to find a constructive way to talk to your spouse about what is bothering you. Use calm and kind words to talk about the problem. Try to bring to topic to your spouse with a positive approach instead of yelling or nagging. It can make a world of difference!

- The Working Wife

Listen, Don't Just Hear

Posted by Brooke at 11:27 AM

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The odd reality of our ears is that often we only hear what we are listening for. If we are expecting our spouse to be mean-spirited, hurtful, or disrespectful when they speak, then that is what we are most likely to hear, regardless of intent. Try giving your spouse the "benefit of the doubt." One thing we try to promote is active listening. Listen to what is being said to you, then turn it around by starting, "What I heard you say was..." and explain what you heard. Is it accurate to what the speaker was trying to convey? Or has it been convoluted like that old game of telephone when it was filtered through the negative obstacles in our minds?

More often than not, we hear something different than what the speaker was saying. We twist things around so that they match the preconceptions we have in our minds. Try to have an active conversation with someone and make sure you both truly understand what is being said.

And by the way, the same thing can be said about our eyes.

-The Guy

Can I Fix Him?

Posted by Brooke at 9:45 AM

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Today I was thinking about how many times I have argued about the same things with my husband over the last 10 years. I was trying to be introspective and figure out why I keep banging my head against the same ceiling? Is it me, is it him? Are we incompatible? Have we grown apart? Have we never really known one another enough to get through these issues?
And then I realized, I don't think that those are the right questions to be asking myself. I think the question is rooted not in "am I communicating effectively" and so forth, but it is "what is the motive behind my message?" Am I coming to my husband and trying to get him to see my way for selfish or self serving reasons? Or am I truly interested in the BOTH of us finding our way through the problem to the solution? If I answered that honestly, the answer would be no. I am more interested in getting him to see my way than I am in finding what could be our way. That does not mean that my interests get lost and lose their identity in the process. It simply means that we will both have to meld our solutions together.

This is what happened when trying to figure out how many days our child should go to kindergarten. I am a firm believer in schedules and the benefits that they have for children. My husband is a firm believer that life is short, time spent with your parents is best, and if you want to stay home with your Dad and relish the good Texas sunshine with a fishing excursion, then that is the order of the day. We had argued about this for a year. Then just this week, I changed my intention and asked him what he thought would be a good compromise. Low and behold- we have decided on a mixed schedule that allows for 4 days of strong schedule mixed in "days off" with Dad. It seems so simple now but we both butted heads on this issue for months!
So with that said- my efforts will not be to change his mind anymore, but to make sure my attitude is in line with this:

I am here for my marriage and my actions and intentions will be to find a solution that keeps the peace and helps both my spouse and I feel like we have had a say in what is best for this marriage!

- The Working Wife

Hello and Welcome!

Posted by Brooke at 2:41 PM

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Welcome to the His and Hers blog from the Texas Hitchin Post! Ladies, ever wonder why your man never seems to hear you when he's watching football, or can't seem to focus on what you're saying until you mention what you're making for dinner? Fellas do you find yourself boggled when the voice of lady in your life sounds like a duck pecking away at your mind? Here you'll find both sides of the story, and gain a little insight on why your love life drives you just a bit crazy. So get ready for a good time, and join us here again soon for our first topic post!

- The Crew

The Bloggers

Posted by Brooke at 1:20 PM

Monday, February 2, 2009

The Guy - Our resident male, The Guy gives us the masculine point of view on marriage, fatherhood, and relationships in general. Proud papa to this lovely little lady since 2007 and happy husband to his childhood sweetheart since 2000, The Guy shares what goes on in the male brain during the insanity of family life.


The Working Wife - Boasting a decade long marriage and a half-decade old son, the Working Wife has been juggling work and family for as long as she can remember as a missionary and award-winning singer in Germany, then as a non-profit founder and owner of more companies than frying pans. This wonder woman gives us her hard-won insight on what keeps her family together.

The Healing Heart - Recent college grad and newly single girl, The Healing Heart is a girl on the road to recovery. Bouncing back from a severely emotionally and physically abusive marriage can be hard for even the toughest hearts. Hoping to learn from past mistakes, and grow enough to hopefully find that a fresh start with new confidence will put her back on a healthy path.

Contact Us

Posted by Brooke at 1:05 PM

Sunday, February 1, 2009

If you have any questions you'd like to see answered, topics you'd like to see covered, or any other inquiries, shoot us an email, at brooke@leaveittolsm.com.