My sister sent this to me and I had to share it with you all! Too cute!
1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10
2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10
3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8
4.. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8
5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10
6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? -When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7
-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. - - Curt, age 7
-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them. It's the right thing to do. - - Howard, age 8
7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is .........
9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck. -- Ricky, age 10
Had to share...
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Healthy Marriage - Healthy Finances
Monday, August 24, 2009
Read this great article on securing both your finances and your marriage. In these tough times we all need a little extra help and with money being the number 1 thing that couple fight and break up over then this is a conversation we need to be having with one another. Share your money tips with other couples as well! I'd love to hear your ideas!
http://tiny.cc/CFyJd
An absolute Must Read
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Well folks it has been a while and I am sorry for not dropping in more often, as my profile says I am a lover of work and businesses and I have decided to start a new one. So that has kept me elsewhere for several weeks. I also went under the knife for some oral surgery and though my typing hands were not affected it was hard to think straight with all that pain and meds! But, this article came in to me today and after I finished crying I have reedited it for you. You MUST read this. This is how marriage works. This is what life is like sometimes and it is not fun, pretty or enjoyable. But it is honorable, loyal and in line with the oath's that we have taken when we said our vows. So very much can be learned from this woman. I hope that you all read it and pass it along to those who need to know how to cope with marriage in it's lowest moments.
Modern Love
Those Aren't Fighting Words, Dear
By LAURA A. MUNSON
July 31, 2009
LET'Ssay you have what you believe to be a healthy marriage. You're still
friends and lovers after spending more than half of your lives together. The
dreams you set out to achieve in your 20s ‹ gazing into each others eyes in
candlelit city bistros when you were single and skinny ‹ have for the most
part come true.
Two decades later you have the 20 acres of land, the farmhouse, the
children, the dogs and horses. You're the parents you said you would be,
full of love and guidance. You've done it all: Disneyland, camping, Hawaii,
Mexico, city living, stargazing.
Sure, you have your marital issues, but on the whole you feel so
self-satisfied about how things have worked out that you would never, in
your wildest nightmares, think you would hear these words from your husband
one fine summer day:I don't love you anymore. I'm not sure I ever did. I'm
moving out. The kids will understand. They'll want me to be happy."
But wait. This isn't the divorce story you think it is. Neither is it a
begging-him-to-stay story. It's a story about hearing your husband say "I
don't love you anymore" and deciding not to believe him. And what can happen
as a result.
Here's a visual: Child throws a temper tantrum. Tries to hit his mother. But
the mother doesn't hit back, lecture or punish. Instead, she ducks. Then she
tries to go about her business as if the tantrum isn't happening. She
doesn't reward the tantrum. She simply doesn't take the tantrum personally
because, after all, it¹s not about her.
Let me be clear: I'm not saying my husband was throwing a child's tantrum.
No. He was in the grip of something else ‹ a profound and far more troubling
meltdown that comes not in childhood but in midlife, when we perceive that
our personal trajectory is no longer arcing reliably upward as it once did.
But I decided to respond the same way I'd responded to my children's
tantrums. And I kept responding to it that way. For four months.
"I don't love you anymore. I'm not sure I ever did."
His words came at me like a speeding fist, like a sucker punch, yet somehow
in that moment I was able to duck. And once I recovered and composed myself,
I managed to say, "I don't buy it." Because I didn't.
He drew back in surprise. Apparently he'd expected me to burst into tears,
to rage at him, to threaten him with a custody battle. Or beg him to change
his mind.
So he turned mean. "I don't like what you've become."
Gut-wrenching pause. How could he say such a thing? That's when I really
wanted to fight. To rage. To cry. But I didn't.
Instead, a shroud of calm enveloped me, and I repeated those words: "I don't
buy it."
You see, I'd recently committed to a non-negotiable understanding with
myself. I'd committed to "The End of Suffering." I'd finally managed to
exile the voices in my head that told me my personal happiness was only as
good as my outward success, rooted in things that were often outside my
control. I'd seen the insanity of that equation and decided to take
responsibility for my own happiness. And I mean all of it.
My husband hadn't yet come to this understanding with himself. He had
enjoyed many years of hard work, and its rewards had supported our family of
four all along. But his new endeavor hadn't been going so well, and his
ability to be the breadwinner was in rapid decline. He'd been miserable
about this, felt useless, was losing himself emotionally and letting himself
go physically. And now he wanted out of our marriage; to be done with our
family.
But I wasn't buying it.
I said: "It's not age-appropriate to expect children to be concerned with
their parents" happiness. Not unless you want to create co-dependents who'll
spend their lives in bad relationships and therapy. There are times in every
relationship when the parties involved need a break. What can we do to give
you the distance you need, without hurting the family?"
"Huh?" he said.
"Go trekking in Nepal. Build a yurt in the back meadow. Turn the garage
studio into a man-cave. Get that drum set you've always wanted. Anything but
hurting the children and me with a reckless move like the one you're talking
about."
Then I repeated my line, "What can we do to give you the distance you need,
without hurting the family?"
"Huh?"
"How can we have a responsible distance?"
"I don't want distance," he said. "I want to move out."
My mind raced. Was it another woman? Drugs? Unconscionable secrets? But I
stopped myself. I would not suffer.
Instead, I went to my desk, Googled "responsible separation" and came up
with a list. It included things like: Who's allowed to use what credit
cards? Who are the children allowed to see you with in town? Who's allowed
keys to what?
I looked through the list and passed it on to him.
His response: "Keys? We don't even have keys to our house."
I remained stoic. I could see pain in his eyes. Pain I recognized.
"Oh, I see what you're doing," he said. "You're going to make me go into
therapy. You're not going to let me move out. You're going to use the kids
against me."
'I never said that. I just asked: What can we do to give you the distance
you need ... "
"Stop saying that!"
Well, he didn't move out.
Instead, he spent the summer being unreliable. He stopped coming home at his
usual six o'clock. He would stay out late and not call. He blew off our
entire Fourth of July ‹ the parade, the barbecue, the fireworks ‹ to go to
someone elses party. When he was at home, he was distant. He wouldn't look
me in the eye. He didn't even wish me "Happy Birthday."
But I didn't play into it. I walked my line. I told the kids: "Daddy's
having a hard time as adults often do. But we're a family, no matter what."
I was not going to suffer. And neither were they.
MY trusted friends were irate on my behalf. "How can you just stand by and
accept this behavior? Kick him out! Get a lawyer!"
I walked my line with them, too. This man was hurting, yet his problem
wasn't mine to solve. In fact, I needed to get out of his way so he could
solve it.
I know what you're thinking: I'm a pushover. I'm weak and scared and would
put up with anything to keep the family together. I'm probably one of those
women who would endure physical abuse. But I can assure you, I'm not. I load
1,500-pound horses into trailers and gallop through the high country of
Montana all summer. I went through Pitocin-induced natural childbirth. And a
Cesarean section without follow-up drugs. I am handy with a chain saw.
I simply had come to understand that I was not at the root of my husband's
problem. He was. If he could turn his problem into a marital fight, he could
make it about us. I needed to get out of the way so that wouldn't happen.
Privately, I decided to give him time. Six months.
I had good days, and I had bad days. On the good days, I took the high road.
I ignored his lashing out, his merciless jabs. On bad days, I would fester
in the August sun while the kids ran through sprinklers, raging at him in my
mind. But I never wavered. Although it may sound ridiculous to say "Don't
take it personally"when your husband tells you he no longer loves you,
sometimes that's exactly what you have to do.
Instead of issuing ultimatums, yelling, crying or begging, I presented him
with options. I created a summer of fun for our family and welcomed him to
share in it, or not ‹ it was up to him. If he chose not to come along, we
would miss him, but we would be just fine, thank you very much. And we were.
And, yeah, you can bet I wanted to sit him down and persuade him to stay. To
love me. To fight for what we've created. You can bet I wanted to.
But I didn't.
I barbecued. Made lemonade. Set the table for four. Loved him from afar.
And one day, there he was, home from work early, mowing the lawn. A man
doesn't mow his lawn if he's going to leave it. Not this man. Then he fixed
a door that had been broken for eight years. He made a comment about our
front porch needing paint. Our front porch. He mentioned needing wood for
next winter. The future. Little by little, he started talking about the
future.
It was Thanksgiving dinner that sealed it. My husband bowed his head humbly
and said, "I'm thankful for my family."
He was back.
And I saw what had been missing: pride. He'd lost pride in himself. Maybe
that's what happens when our egos take a hit in midlife and we realize we're
not as young and golden anymore.
When life's knocked us around. And our childhood myths reveal themselves to
be just that. The truth feels like the biggest sucker-punch of them all:
it's not a spouse or land or a job or money that brings us happiness. Those
achievements, those relationships, can enhance our happiness, yes, but
happiness has to start from within. Relying on any other equation can be
lethal.
My husband had become lost in the myth. But he found his way out. We've
since had the hard conversations. In fact, he encouraged me to write about
our ordeal. To help other couples who arrive at this juncture in life.
People who feel scared and stuck. Who believe their temporary feelings are
permanent. Who see an easy out, and think they can escape.
My husband tried to strike a deal. Blame me for his pain. Unload his
feelings of personal disgrace onto me.
But I ducked. And I waited. And it worked.
For the article and readers comments and to ADD YOUR OWN:
http://tinyurl.com/q77ns8
Loved this Post
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Just read this post and thought you might be interested in these resources- very good stuff.
Stress Management Blog
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide to Stress Management since 2005
Happy Marriage Toolkit
One of the problems that I see with people is that they don't know how to communicate their feelings in a way that is easy for the other person to hear, or aren't sure how to get everyone's needs met without someone feeling slighted, or are so stressed and busy that they're having trouble finding any spare time to spend together, let alone keeping the passion alive. With financial stress rising for many, many relationships are feeling even more pressure.
If you're feeling this way, taking steps--even baby steps!--toward paring down schedules and finding more time, learning positive communication strategies, and developing stress management strategies that work (so stress isn't taken out on one's partner) can really impact a marriage in a good way.
The following resources can help in your quest for a happy marriage or healthy relationship. If you have other suggestions, leave them in this Reader Response article on happy marriage. If you want to discuss relationship issues, leave your thoughts in the comments section.
Happy Marriage Resources:
- Common Marriage Problems and Solutions
Money? Daily stress? Kids? Learn the top stressors for couples, and how to manage them! - How To Stop Fighting About Money
Don't let economic woes lead to marital woes! Here's how to stop. - How To Have a Happy Marriage
Learn about some new research on happy marriages, and find tips to make yours one of those! - Communication Skills
Here are some tips that can be used to keep communication happy and healthy in romantic relationships. Many apply to friends, co-workers and telemarketers as well! - Happy Marriage Tips
Other readers share their best--and you can, too! Stop by and swap relationship tips.
Scream Free
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Don;t know how many of you parents out there find yourself getting excited for the family vacation just to feel like you want to pull your hair out half way through the trip!
Check out this great resource from the Scream Free folks. We will be doing their parenting classes at our place this fall! They are awesome. Just a tip from the local married mom!
http://www.screamfree.com/sfsc/product.php?productid=8&cat=0&page=?newsletterSidebar
Tips for Heatlhy Marriage
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
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| 1. Affirm your mate with an unexpected compliment. I got this in today and thought it was good information. Check it out! |
Famillies Are Alive and Well, In Florida
Saturday, July 11, 2009
If anyone has been a pessimist towards the present state of American families, then I think that a short visit to Disney World will change that. I have spent the last week (while on vacation) viewing families of all colors and creed celebrate love, life and each other. If you think the world is going to hell-in-a-hand-basket then you have not been to the Magic Kingdom lately. I have not only enjoyed the amazing wonderment that is everything Disney, but I have enjoyed more the parents who are thoroughly committed to sharing time with their kids, siblings who are sharing a magical experience and to couples who are falling in love under a starry, firework covered sky.
All this it say that in our industry (as healthy-marriage educators) it can get pretty bleak because we hear about the families that don't make it and the couples who throw in the towel. Well it's good to know that some are at least trying to share and make a memory together. Maybe if we all treated every day like we were at Disney World, or at least on vacation, with our families, we'd do a little better! That is the lesson I am taking home with me from this trip~ we'll that and some paraphernalia that has mouse ears all over it!
On the Mouse Ears Note: Some of the employees here are still "earning their ears" and that means that they are working to learn the ropes of their jobs. Try thinking of things that way next time you get frustrated with your spouse. Maybe they are in an "earning their ears" place and they just need some mercy and grace! You could apply the same thinking when working with your kids too!