The Marriage Bash

Last night I was reminded of a conversation I had with a dear newlywed (actually, you may know her, she is our newlywed bloggerette: The Texas Hitchin' Post Gal from www.TexasHitchinPost.com- totally great blogs by the way!) about the age old tradition that we married folks tend to latch onto from the first moment of wedding bliss: The Bashing of the Marriage.

Now don't raise your eyes as if you don't know what I am talking about. It's very likely that you've done it too! (Probably even in the past 24 hours!) Maybe without even knowing it. I think we do it to let off steam, be funny, or to jab our partner in a publicly acceptable way to send them a message that we aren't happy with a previous action on their part... but no matter the personal justification, it is bashing and I think that it's really kind of ugly. As this young woman pointed out to me, almost every time that she is asked "So how is married life?" she answers truthfully. "Great", "We love it", and "Surprisingly, very good!", she often receives as retort that includes something along the lines of "Well you just wait, 'cuz it ain't gonna be this way for long!"

As I listened to my friend describe her disdain for this kind of response from the couples around her, I myself was growing increasingly angered, because I've done the same thing for years. It's so easy to talk about how hard marriage is, or how crappy life can be when shared with another person. We often divulge sob stories to our friends and then encourage them to find their own misery as well. Like a 'welcome to the club' badge for the unlucky of us who have signed up for this drudgery for life.

Dr. Pat Love, also a blogger on the THP site, talks about how many negative connotations we have in society for marriage. The "ball and chain", the ol' lady/man statements, the nagging references go on and on (you probably have a couple of your own.) But what about all that is good in marriage? What about that I get to go home to someone who when I am undressing for bed I don't have to suck in my gut before I slip into something more comfortable (i.e. my old sweats with holes in the rear seat and his old painting shirt?) or how about when I have had a really bad week with my colleagues, I can vent and he already knows my need to talk it out and wave my hands in the air and then be left alone for 10 minutes? Or how about that I get to curl up in the small of his back in the middle of a very cold night, or that we have created an absolutely amazing child in which I see both myself and my hubby every day, or what about the dreams that we get to plan together for the many years we have ahead like about the boat we want or the trip we are going to take in an RV for 3 months some summer, or the fact that marriage just feels good?

There I said it, it feels good to be married. Now don't get me wrong, I am not one of the those zombie Stepford Wives that hasn't ever looked at my husband and thought "Are you still here?" I am married, of course I have. But over all, I have loved being married, even through the very tough times. I love it. I always have. So why don't I say it out loud more often. Is it because we have set ourselves up in this society that the negative is more acceptable or that we don't want others who don't share our bliss to feel about their own sad tales?

Whatever it is, I don't care, I am changing my ways.

I am shouting it for the world to know. I love being married. I love my husband. No digs, no insults, I just love being married. I encourage you to say and do the same, it is actually quite freeing! So the next time you see me, please do ask me about how my marriage is, becuase you will hear the truth. Be proud, shout it loud! Who knows? We may start a a revolution.

- The Working Wife