The Way Out

Posted by Brooke at 1:56 PM

Thursday, March 5, 2009


You can look at an exit in two polarizing ways. Often it can be seen as something negative. But the ending of something can be very beneficial indeed. Despite having this quote beaten into my brain in high school, I think it bears repeating. "I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it."

I follow a popular wedding blog, Weddingbee. The premise here is that engaged ladies blog about planning their weddings. This weekend there was a heart wrenching post that hit close to home. One of the bloggers posted that she is calling off her wedding due to the discovery of her fiancé's full blown affair. But what really rang true with me was when she was speaking of ignoring her gut prior to finding out the truth. She knew something was up, but was shelving it in order to plan her perfect wedding.

See, I had a wedding once. I met a boy, fell hopelessly in love, and three and a half years later walked down the aisle. The problem wasn't the dress, or the cake, or the stress of planning a wedding at my parent's home basically by myself. The problem was that during the span of our relationship there were several warning signs I chose to ignore. I shelved all of my concerns and went against my gut instincts because it was easier to talk myself into believing everything was fine and normal and press ahead with my dream future. I think I'll save the in-depth explanation for another post, but for now lets just say that things were off, but not quite disturbing enough to prepare me for what was to come.

The abuse began on the honeymoon for me. For other abusive relationships it may take a little more time. The lucky thing about the weddingbee blogger was that she was able to discover and confront the issue before even signing a marriage license. I wasn't so lucky, having to go through the proceedings of a very painful annulment process. But the point is, there is always a way out. It takes a lot of courage, surprisingly enough, to leave an unhealthy relationship. I can with perfect confidence say that you can't understand that until you live through it. It's easy to say, "Well, why doesn't she just leave? I'd never put up with that. It's her own fault for staying". When you love and trust a person, and those values are betrayed, it's hard to accept the truth until you are in a mental state to do so. You may feel trapped, or obligated, or think that maybe you can fix the situation if you just try hard enough. But eventually you accept that you must exit the relationship. Find your way out, and your way back into the person you were meant to be before someone tried to destroy that in you.

So with all that's going on with unhealthy relationships, everything you've heard about young Hollywood couples, or next door neighbors, just remember that no, you don't have to accept this behavior as normal. You can find help and support through friends, churches, counselors, and support groups. Find your way out, and save your own life.

- The Healing Heart

Resources:
• The Salvation Army Domestic Violence Hotline: (214) 424-7200
• Domestic Violence Intervention Alliance of Dallas: (214) 941-1991
• Hope’s Door 24 Hour Hotline: (972) 422-7233‎
• Brighter Tomorrows Crisis Hotline- 24 Hour Hotline: (972) 262-8383‎
• http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/womenrisk/

0 comments: