Can I Fix Him?

Today I was thinking about how many times I have argued about the same things with my husband over the last 10 years. I was trying to be introspective and figure out why I keep banging my head against the same ceiling? Is it me, is it him? Are we incompatible? Have we grown apart? Have we never really known one another enough to get through these issues?
And then I realized, I don't think that those are the right questions to be asking myself. I think the question is rooted not in "am I communicating effectively" and so forth, but it is "what is the motive behind my message?" Am I coming to my husband and trying to get him to see my way for selfish or self serving reasons? Or am I truly interested in the BOTH of us finding our way through the problem to the solution? If I answered that honestly, the answer would be no. I am more interested in getting him to see my way than I am in finding what could be our way. That does not mean that my interests get lost and lose their identity in the process. It simply means that we will both have to meld our solutions together.

This is what happened when trying to figure out how many days our child should go to kindergarten. I am a firm believer in schedules and the benefits that they have for children. My husband is a firm believer that life is short, time spent with your parents is best, and if you want to stay home with your Dad and relish the good Texas sunshine with a fishing excursion, then that is the order of the day. We had argued about this for a year. Then just this week, I changed my intention and asked him what he thought would be a good compromise. Low and behold- we have decided on a mixed schedule that allows for 4 days of strong schedule mixed in "days off" with Dad. It seems so simple now but we both butted heads on this issue for months!
So with that said- my efforts will not be to change his mind anymore, but to make sure my attitude is in line with this:

I am here for my marriage and my actions and intentions will be to find a solution that keeps the peace and helps both my spouse and I feel like we have had a say in what is best for this marriage!

- The Working Wife