Why Marriage Education is So Important

The marriage education workshops provided by the state marriage initiative did not save my marriage. They saved my life. I got married to my college sweetheart last March. Things weren’t perfect in the courtship phase, but it wasn’t long into marriage that the abuse began. He started hitting me on the honeymoon, controlling my food intake, financial flow, even appearance. The abuse was much more emotional than physical, yet the physical was progressing rapidly. I was beginning to become more concerned about the state of the relationship. I had heard of the free relationship workshops provided by the state, and thought they would provide a good solution.

Marriage counseling was out of the question. Not only would they cost money (which was being closely and strictly monitored), but they would indicate a problem with my partner. Injuring his pride would be injuring my person. These workshops provided a safe, healthy alternative. I wasn’t looking for counseling, but solutions for what I saw as problems in the relationship. Communication was completely shut down, and I was told that it was a fault of my own. I thought that learning these skills would improve my relationship and reduce the conflict that had overcome my life.

The things I learned through the program opened my eyes to how truly damaging this marriage was. The behaviors were progressing at a startling rate, and I knew that it was only a matter of time until I would be sent to the hospital from a conflict. Speaking with the coordinators was what truly saved me. They described every behavior of an emotional and physical abuser, and each trait was found in my own life at home. During conversations I realized that the behavior would never change, and would only worsen. The workshop curriculum and coordinators did not seek to promote marriage at all costs, including my own personal well-being and safety. They promote healthy, functional relationships, and seek to not only identify the red flags, but help you confront them, and either repair what is broken or get out while you still can. In my case, I realized I had to leave immediately. I packed my bags, moved in with a coworker, and went to the police. I pressed charges against my husband and received a protective order.

I truly believe that this curriculum, these workshops, saved my life. Not only just my physical being, but the sense of self that is lost when under the dominion of an abuser. They opened my eyes to what I had refused to see on my own. Through this, I was able to take back the control of my life, and never feel guilty or ashamed for it. I felt strong, empowered, and blessed that I could once again live my life to the fullest. I would no longer be hit, thrown to the ground, berated, belittled, starved into malnourishment. Since the workshop and leaving I have flourished at my job, gained 15 pounds to now be at a healthy weight for my height, and begun dating again. This time, I know I am in a healthy relationship. We will be attending a TwoGether in Texas workshop. We will be completing the curriculum, and receiving the skills we need to succeed in this relationship. Never again will I suffer physically, mentally, or spiritually from the man I choose to share my life with, and that is all thanks to this program that the State of Texas has provided. And for that I thank them, and petition them to continue this funding so that women like me can be saved, and find hope for their own futures, instead of staring down that dark tunnel of a future of pain.

- The Healing Heart